Protect the Standard
Over the past few weeks, I’ve had the chance to facilitate the same leadership conversation with two very different groups.
One was a cohort of athletes participating in J.P. Nerbun's The Culture Captain Leadership Cohort.
The other was a room full of executives leading teams inside their organizations.
Different people.
Different environments.
Same question.
“What’s the hardest part about challenging a teammate?”
I expected answers about confidence, communication, or conflict.
Instead, almost everyone landed in the same place.
“I don’t want to hurt the relationship.”
I’ve heard that answer from athletes before.
I’ve heard it from executives, too.
It turns out the issue isn’t whether people care enough to speak up.
It’s whether they’ve ever been taught how.
Maybe the greatest obstacle to accountability isn’t a lack of courage.
Maybe it’s not knowing how to protect the relationship while protecting the standard.
🎥 [0:49] Watch — Leadership Is More Than Leading by Example
(Marcus Freeman)
💭 Why It Matters
Too often, when a team lacks accountability, we jump to the wrong conclusion.
“We just don’t have enough leaders.”
I’m not convinced that’s the real problem.
Leadership isn’t simply a trait.
It’s a skill.
And like every skill, it isn’t developed by talking about it.
It’s developed through practice.
Whether I’m coaching athletes or executives, I see the same pattern. Leaders rarely avoid difficult conversations because they don’t care. More often, they simply haven’t developed the confidence—or the skill—to have them well.
During the The Culture Captain Leadership Cohort, J.P. Nerbun introduced a framework called The Curious Challenge, giving athletes a practical way to practice accountability.
Before challenging a teammate, they learned to:
State your goal clearly to lower the other person’s defenses.
Share the behaviors you’ve observed, followed by your assessment.
Finish with a genuine, open-ended question that invites conversation instead of defensiveness.
As J.P. Nerbun writes:
“When you call people up, you stop looking at the person as a problem to fix and start looking at them as someone to understand.”
That’s the difference.
Calling someone out protects your frustration.
Calling someone up protects the relationship while fighting for the standard.
Healthy cultures aren’t built by people who simply model the standard.
They’re built by people who know how to protect it.
📌 Quote of the Week
“The conversation is the relationship.”
— Susan Scott, Fierce Conversations
💬 Reflection
Where is your team relying on leading by example when what they really need is someone willing to lead others?
How could you better equip your people to call others up instead of simply expecting them to speak up?
✍️ Closing
Every team will have moments when the standard slips.
The difference isn’t whether someone notices.
It’s whether someone has the courage—and the skill—to step into the conversation.
Because in the end, we don’t protect the standard by avoiding difficult conversations.
We protect it by learning how to have them well.
When we learn to protect both the relationship and the standard, leadership stops being something we admire—and becomes something we develop.
📅 Ready to lead from the inside out? Let’s connect.
See. Serve. Empower.
— Angel
🤝 Continue the Conversation
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